The Shadow is a Lie

I started working hills on Saturday morning. During the weekends, I can go out later in the mornings. This works in that I can actually SEE the road I'm running on. The downside? I can see my shadow.

Just like Peter Pan, my shadow & I do NOT get along very well, especially while running. I'm chugging along, thinking I'm making Freddie-Mercury-rock-star type pace, and then...I see this shadow next to me. Is it LIMPING? It looks like I'm barely walking, let alone running anywhere! What the hell am I even doing, thinking I'm running?

I do know that this isn't true, that it's that evil gym teacher in my head, trying to psyche me out of finishing the run. So, whenever I see ShadowMe waddling along, I tell myself that it's not true; the shadow is a lie. It becomes a mantra if it's bad enough: The Shadow is a Lie. TheShadowisalie, theshadowisalie...

How do I know it's a lie? I see my pace from RunKeeper. Machines can't lie. This past Sunday, a fellow parishoner from church stopped me on the way out and said, "I saw you out on the VFW Parkway the other day. I can't believe how fast you were going!" And sweet old church-going men DEFINITELY don't lie!


...oh, and that race in December? Signed up, ready to go!

Pony Play

I'm thinking about another 5K, the last one before switching up my training for the winter. Friends are doing The 3rd Annual Jingle Bell Run. I go and look at the site, and I come across their awards schedule:

"14 & Under, 15-17, 18-29, 30-39, 40-49, 50-59, 60-69 & 70+; Clydesdale Open & Masters 190-210lbs., 211-225lbs.,226lbs.+;Filly 140lbs.+ Open & Masters"

First, what the heck are these awards for overwieght runners? Secondly, why isn't the divisions for "Fillys" as broken out as the "Clydesdales?"

Apparently, the horse divisions are classifications for plus-size participants, and is starting to become more common in races. However, that still doesn't answer my question. Why the difference in the weight ranges for men and women?

Before I get my feminist dander up, I email the race organizer for more information. Here's the exchange, with me in purple, and the Jingle Bell-er in red. I only edited for my own spelling, and to remove redundant award information:

Me: Good afternoon, I was looking at singing up for your 2010 Jingle Bell Run, where I saw the awards structure ...Can you explain why the "Clydesdale" division is broken up into so many divisions, yet the "Fillys" are not? I ask because it doesn't seem fair to not have the same division breakdown for both genders. So I was hoping you could shed light on that.

Response: because more big fit athletic men participate than big fit athletic women...absolutely nothing unfair about it all....

Me: Thank you for the quick response and explanation. That's pretty sad, then that more women aren't competing.

R: I can only lead em to the scale....can't pick em up and put em on it:)

Me: I was just surprised to see the 200+ range for the guys, and not for the girls. As a 200+lb female jogger, it kind of is stinky to be lumped in with the 140+ range.

R: Divisions not for joggers...they are for folks running. hard and racing...they are competitive divisions

Me: okay, that makes MUCH more sense. Thank you for taking the time to explain it, I appreciate it!

R: Keep on jogging....it will get you to racing some day...good luck

I look back on this exchange and cringe. I can't believe that I let someone talk to me like that. If that was in any other situation, I would have stood up for myself more, and argued about the sexism and EXTREME SIZEIST bias that was going on here.

But, I didn't. Why? You can see it where I call myself a "jogger." Right there, I purposefully chose that word, because I was scared if I put that I was a plus-size runner, I'd get a response that would be the equivalent of a "sure, sure you are honey," and a pat on the head. I really felt like I didn't have a leg to stand on, because even to myself, I can't believe to call myself a runner.

I thought about boycotting the race on principle. Instead, I'm going to do this race. I need to think of something witty to put on a shirt, or find as many Athena runners to join me in this race, and prove this Responser-Person wrong.

To be continued!

Da d-da da, Da d-da da!

100 miles! I've run over 100 miles. That's almost four marathons!


I hit 100 miles this morning, my first run after the 5K. The leaves were thick on the trail today. On my return trip, I noticed that after slogging through the tangle of wet foliage, on the clear path my pace was picked up. A rudimentary form of resistance training!

I love that even though I've completed the goal of running a 5K, there's still more milestones to accomplish. I don't know what's next, but I'm feeling strong and confident that I can do them.


My apologies to The Proclaimers. I know it's not 500 miles...yet!

53:45

I ran a 5K on Sunday. Wait, let me do that again.

I RAN A 5K ON SUNDAY!

I got up that morning, so SO nervous. I knew I had to eat, but my stomach was in knots. I took a shower, then ate a yogurt and 1/2 a naner. Sweetie & I got dressed in our running costumes, packed up our stuff and The Girl, and headed into Cambridge.

Sweetie dropped me off so I could get our numbers while he parked. I ran into my inlaws (who would be watching the girl), but I was too nervous for chitchat...I NEEDED our numbers! Found our names, got in line, and then, there it was, my bib with my name and number on it. This wasn't the first bib I've gotten, since I was in the JP Morgan Chase Challenge three years ago. However, this was my first bib for a race I planned on running in.

Sweetie showed up with the Girl, and after quick trips to the port-o-lets, he helped me pin my bib on, and attach the D-Tag (D-Tag info)to my shoe. We met up with another friend who was racing, and checked out the other people in costume. There were a LOT of Wonder Women around - I guess there's not a lot of female superheroes to go around - and quite a bit of cleverness. I didn't go for clever; I went for running-functional clothes, and modified them to look Wonder-Woman-esque. In the 80's TV show, she had different outfits for different activities, so I consider my costume "within cannon."

They announced to line up for starting. Sweetie and I parted with kiss, him to the front, and I moved to the back. I met two other women there, also graduates of the Couch to 5K. One of them was also running her first 5K today. As we were chatting about our experiences, another announcement: they lined everyone up the wrong way, so now the back was the front! I quickly moved to the other end of the line. I did not want to be trampled in my first race.

And then I waited. I had this almost out-of-body moment, as I was watching this sea of costumed people milling about, then there was this quiet "gong," sound, and the sea realized it was supposed to move! Little by little, the sea would ripple as people went from walking to running. I took my iPhone out, hit the Start button on Runkeeper as I crossed the starting line.

The beginning of the race was a bit chaotic. I couldn't hear my music as everyone was talking and yelling and cheering. I heard "Wait for me, Spiderman!" and other calls of running mates to find their partners. We turned a corner. Some cut across the sidewalk; I stayed on the road, because I'm a perfectionist like that.

The Wonder Woman bracelets for some reason were distracting me, and catching on my iPod wire. I ripped them off, and stuck them to my running belt. Shortly after that, the edges of the WW emblem kept catching my hand on the upswing. RIP! RIP! off those went. I tossed them aside, mentally promising to pick them up on the way back.

Around the turn onto Mass Ave, shin splints hit. I had made the mistake everyone warned me about; I tried to keep up with the other runners. Now I was paying the price. I slowed down, and started walking. This is what I was afraid of. I would start out running, something would happen, and then I would end up walking the route, and walk across the finish line, a failure. I couldn't let that happen. I WOULDN'T let that happen!

I started to jog again, this time at my own pace. "I Got a Feeling" by the Black-Eyed Peas come on, and I got into my groove. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw friends from church, waving at me and cheering me on. I was doing it, I was running the 5K!

Further down Mass Ave, my Mother and Sister -in Law tried to run out to see me...in the street. I waved them away, yelling "Back! Go Back on the corner!" I was in a zone, and did not want to break it by trying to talk to people. Also, Mass Ave was not closed to traffic, and Mother-In-Law was holding my daughter...I did not want to be thinking about that.

The turnaround was down Bay Street. REALLY down. As I was loping down the hill of a street, and across Green Street, I realized this meant that there would be an equally steep up. Sure enough, I turned and faced an almost 45-degree incline of Hancock Street. I remembered my friend A talking about facing hills, so I kept my head down, dug my knees in, and up I went.

I kept back down Mass Ave. I met up with the water station as they were packing up. Fortuitously, one of them saw me, and brought me a cup of water. That was the BEST drink of water I ever had. As I neared a construction site, another volunteer pointed me to the sidewalk to circumvent the site. At least I hope he was a volunteer, as I handed him my empty cup (I didn't know what to do with it!)

Further down Mass Ave, my friends moved to the other side of the street, still cheering me on and giving me encouragement. They offered to keep me company partway, but I had to decline, for I was still in the groove, keeping my pace, and I needed to stay focused. I saw a mile marker...2 miles! I had gone two miles!

Another turn down Albany Street. I was ready to see the finish line, where was it? Another turn onto Pacfic, and then again onto Sidney. I don't think the race is going to end. I'm going to keep on going, like a character in a Stephen King novel!

Then, I saw the park. The finish line, it's here! I turned the final corner onto Tudor. There it was. I kicked into high gear. I gave every last bit of energy I had into finishing strong. I had been training to "open up" and the finish line, and now that was paying off.

Done! The clock said 54:23, but when I stopped the RunKeeper clock, it said 53:45. Sweetie came up to hug me, but I couldn't breathe, and I needed to walk, to cool down. After I gained my breath back, I came back to Sweetie, who hugged me. "You did it!" he whispered into my ear. I started to cry in relief and joy. I walked back to my family and friends, and I scooped my daughter into my arms and hugged her tight.

After six months, I can say that I really went from the Couch to a 5K. There are more on the horizon, I'm sure, but for now I'm celebrating this one.

A fat girl ran a race. She placed 675th out of 684 runners. I say it's a win.




Epilogue: on the way out of Cambridge, Sweetie spotted the bracelets and emblem on the road. He pulled over twice and picked them up, so I'm not a WonderLitterBug.