Chasing Ghosts

I don't remember when the teasing started. It became such a part of my childhood that it was part of the routine.

The main reason for teasing is because you're perceived to be different than everyone else. Unfortunately in my case, it was perpetuated by the adults. My second grade teacher in Central Oregon pointed out to everyone my Boston r-less accent. My third grade gym teacher was relentless on pointing out I wasn't as physically adept as my classmates. Of course the other kids picked up on this, and reinforced what the teachers knew: I was different, and did not fit in. When my parents would intervene and try to get the administration to take a stand, they were hesitant to do so, citing it was part of the process of growing up, "kids will be kids," and even suggesting it was I needed to do more to fit in.

The teasing and bullying intensified through the years. Name-calling led to nasty notes, which led to spitball throwing, which led to gum in my hair, which led to hair-pulling, kicking, and other violence.

Whenever I fought back, it seemed I was punished for my actions. In-house suspensions, detentions, and at one point told I needed psychiatric evaluation. The bullies kept bullying, and any time they were pulled into a principal or guidance counselor's office to be reprimanded, their parents were right there, explaining it was part of growing up, "kids will be kids." Right before I was pulled out of public schools, I had a girl threatening to kill me, slit my throat with a knife if I showed up at the bus stop - the one on school grounds, not the one near the house. The teacher's response who I went to about the threats? "I'm here to teach, not to babysit."

Moving to the MetroWest of Massachusetts my freshman year, I got pegged a "narc," and again had death threats against me in the lunchroom. My salvation came in the form of upper class girls who invited me to their lunch table and watched over me.

From there? It Got Better. I got involved in Band, Drama, and other clubs. I still got teased, but not as savagely as my earlier years. Then I went on to college, and It Got Even Better from there. I slowly got more confidence in myself as a person and my personality.

Today? I'm still figuring it out. I find myself wondering during my runs when(not if) a car window will roll down and make fun of the fat girl running. I've had images of getting laughed at on Race Day, or if pics of me running will end up on someone's Facebook post to get mocked. I still have issues sitting by myself in crowded places, worried that the fat girl with glasses sticks out like a sore thumb.

But these moments are not as frequent or common as they used to be. I have way more "I'm pretty freaking fabulous" moments than the other negative ones. I need to, for my daughter's sake.

I am so thankful for the next generation of teachers that don't handle bullying the way it used to be handled. I am thankful that I live in an area and within a community that is so diverse, that my daughter hopefully won't experience the intolerance and teasing I and so many others before me did.

However...kids will be kids. They will always notice things that are different. And here's where all of us grownups need to step in. TEACH your kids that yes, some kids and people are different, and that's okay, and that it's NOT okay to make them feel like there's something wrong with them because they're different.

Teachers, Educators, People involved with kids? WATCH. LISTEN. Many times I couldn't go to a teacher because I was told I was being watched, and I was threatened within an inch of my life if I went to an authority. Look for the kid sitting by themselves at lunch or at recess. The quiet kid. Check in with them, make sure they're okay. So many times I've heard that no one knew until it was too late that something was wrong with a bullied child because they were the good, quiet kid. They may be holding it all in for fear of their life.

If your kid is the different one? LOVE THEM. Tell them how fabulous they are, EVERY. DAY. Even if they are driving you crazy, tell them they're wonderful. They need to hear it. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have the amazing support of my parents through all of it.

If you're a kid reading this, and are going through some of the stuff I did? It gets better. REALLY. I went from the kid that had no friends, was terrified of going to school, to ...a grownup with friends, a family, a kid of her own. I'm not going to lie and say that after high school it's all unicorns and rainbows, but the world waiting for you on the other side is SO MUCH BETTER. I promise.